Wednesday, July 4, 2007

It's 11.20pm now! This is going to be a loooooong post. But please readers, Hang on! The most exciting part will be at the last!

Went blog hopping and couldnt' understand why everybody is following bridget jones' diary. That book was just a so-so lah.

Theres' one i hopped on and the moment i look at the blog, theres' so much vulgarities and pessimistic remarks about her life and all that.

So what would i do...

*Click the red x button on the top right hand corner*

Dont' give a damm!

So uneasy about it la!

However, as uneasy as it may be, I started recalling back those blogging days. I was one a very pessimistic and sarcastic blogger.

Hais, such an irony of life.

Hope this current blog isnt very sarcastic lah. If you still find me sarcastic, Do what i do. Click the red x button and fuck off.

Ok, I know 'm straight forward.

People always have this mentality that when they read at your blog, they will imagine u speaking it out loud to you and from the reader's perspective, anyhow using the inappropriate tone and therefore, gets misleaded.

Do anyone know what 'm talking about?


Ok, senario 1.

A and B are friends.

A wrote a post on her blog. B went to take a look. From B's perspective, B imagines A talking in a sarcastic way. Therefore, B misunderstood A and finds that A writes in an offensive way.


But actually not! A is trying to write in a neutral tone but people always tend to think of the worst of A. Which makes A really fcuked up and .


So please, readers, dont' anyhow hantum in your own feelings into reading other people's blog. It's not going to be fair to the bloggers. If any of u readers feel this way, It's time to change. Look at different perspective of life. You'll feel much happier, much better.

*Wake up! (Not trying to be sarcastic)*

Well, whether am I a sarcastic blogger, its all up to readers. As I said, I know what 'm writing in my blog and I jolly well know what tone am I using. So Please please please for god's sake, dont' misunderstand me.

*Snaps fingers*

Settled. It's been bottling up in my heart for.. ahh, since i started blogging this year.

'm currently reading The Clay Marble. That book is just too good to the extreme. I think 've read it twice/thrice? This book has really strong, expressive words.

*Imagine how Dara enjoys her scoop of fragnant rice*

Today's English Comprehension was a nice passage! I like it. Dont' ask me why, cause the sky's high. Ha.

But ended up my compre always flunk like hell lah.

Tml's English Paper 1 and E-maths P1.

Gonna eat one egg in the morning. Tml will be a brain teaser because theres' E-math .

After exams, we headed to the canteen i think. Went to buy meatballs to eat because my.... stomach is really oozing out hydrocloric acid.

*Why do I write my blog today is such a typical way?*

I dont' know either.

After that, we went to slack. Oh Yeah, waited for Feng Yao at 43. He's the student leader for the Sec 1 camp. Hell to all to Sec 1s. Giving him a big headache.

Well, saw Jordan, Seng Yong, Jun Pei, Evelyn, Tsu Ting.

Delighted to see Tsu Ting ! Haha.

Went back to school because Zhi Wei wanted to get his Chem Notes.

When went back to canteen AGAIN and eat meatballs. Saw Wei Kai and Nelson on the way. Eating cheeeeekin porridge.

Zhi Wei, Beng and DaWei went to play bball while Yong and I went to slack, Talked quite alot about life and stuffs like that. And we talked about our sec 1 life and all that.

Memories flashed across my head. It seems everything just happened yesterday. Haha. Really feel damm insensible and immature when i started recalling back.

Wad we so-called Chao Ah Lian. Haha. Hilarious.

It seems like a contrast. Before Sec 3, everybody feels sophiscated being a Chao Ah Lian/Chao Ah Beng. After Sec 3, everybody feels that those Sec 1s and Sec 2s are immature and childish.

*Arent' we like one in the past?*

Seems like a life cycle. Everyone goes through this path and from there, they grow up.

Then, we talked about how time really flies. So fast it's the fifth year in Manjusri, and just about 3 months to O's. 3 months to graduation day. 'd sure cry like hell.

So i started to think. I think a lot. Thats' why my brain's good. Haha.

I knew Beng since Sec 2, Yong, Zhi Yang, Persley, Feng Yao, Zhi Wei, Yu Xiang since Sec 3. Jiashi since Sec 2, but we aint close during Sec2, Yu Yue since Sec 2, But we were at loggerheads at that time.

And why issit that the people i hang out are those whom i knew since Sec 2 only and not Sec 1?

It seems my Sec 1 class is all scattered into so many different levels, some transferred school like Philip. But we do still keep in close contact. Some went missing like Jun Cai, Joel Ng.

Ahh, so full of mixed feelings. I miss Mr Zul, Ms Lai.

I feel like crying now.

Remembered that Lay Koon, Sock Hiang, Tina and I was once a whole clique. Tina and I even stayed at the same block. One on the 7th, the other on the 12th.

Remembered we would take bus to school with Ying Mae as well. Qiu Yi and I was the only two ones who passed all subjects for our common test.

Clifford was my lil brother whom i protected him a lot, Benny was my laughing buddy and we would laugh like hell.

Edy and Jason was once our monitor, having a hard time under the hot scorching sun when edy cried for us. Qi Xiang, Jing Hao, Zhi Hui was the joker of the class and

I remembered that Albert and I was once very close. We would share our troubles with each other. Cai Xin was ... a trouble maker, always at loggerheads with Xmei,

Yee Teng was the FIRST pleasant girl i knew in the class during Orientation camp. Philip was in love with Hui Min. *Wriggles*

So now, here when 'm blogging, I took out one Kit Kat Box where it contains all the letters we wrote during Sec 1. Really memorable. Almost teared when I look at the letters Clifford, Qi Xiang, Jing Hao and Albert wrote to me. All their troubles, their happy moments, all pen-ning down on the letter to tell me hw they feel about that particular day.

I remembered once when Albert cut his hair botak and everyone was making fun of him. He felt very unhappy about all the giggles those guys made at him. So at night, i remembered around 8 plus when i was watching TV, he smsed me and ask me, "Is it wrong to cut BOTAK? Am I really very ugly?" Though he didnt write it in an unhappy way, But i knew he minded all those remarks.

And we went on and on. And his brother would always sms me and ask me how do i feel about Albert. And Albert would always call me out for a movie, swimming etc.

Then, Jasmine was once very close with me and Tina, Jasmine, and I would take the same bus together. At that time, Jas was trying to pull me along because she didnt like Tina at all.

Haha, I was stuffed between two people.

*Having a stupid smile to herself*

But why things are so different now? Sometimes I wonder, am I the cause of all these? All my wrong doings, my neglience for not holding our friendship tight enough, never tried to clear any misunderstandings amongst us, my stubborness, insensible thinking etc.

Until then, I realised I really suck-ed at handling friendship problems. Instead of letting the wounds heal, I wanted to get things settled very fast and ended up hurting each other. I cant' even handle such problem when i had a tiff with Priscilla. Til Now, 'm still reflecting upon myself, When I had nothing to do, I asked myself, Am I in the wrong? If yes, 've apologised upteen times. Am I the problem of this tiff? If yes, 've told her "Sorry" upteen times. Am I ALWAYS the one giving misundestandings to people? If yes, 've said "Sorry" many a times as well. I once smsed her and called her out for a talk. But without any hesitation, she rejected me and hurled hurtful remarks at me. 'm on my way to work at that moment. Can u imagine how despodent and devastated I feel? A person whom i once cared alot, no matter how busy Am i, Just one call from her that she needed me, I would rush down to her house, could be so emotion-less. 'm really very very... very despaired. Because of her, I had so many misunderstandings with my other loved ones. But why do I still get things unsettled despite all my efforts? Am I pushing things a lil to fast? Or all these takes time?

Time heal all wounds, Thats' absolutely true. However, as times goes by, our friendships get drifted apart until now, We dont' even talk to each other! We dont' even dare to face each other!

I even lose one of my good guy friend, Jason! Why all these happen to me all at once? Everything just throw all back to me. Just in a moment of anger, out of spite, Times building up our friendship all gone down the drain. My Efforts, My Care, My Concern, My Loved ones. Why? Am I really that detestable? Yes, I know I was one Once. He was one who taught me to pen down all my feelings if i had something to say to that person, but aint got any courage to talk to him/her. Until now, i still remember this in my heart. Ironically, he made me laugh and cry at the same time.

've hurt many people without myself knowing that 've hurt them. I was really so ignorant.

But I really made an effort to change, I really did. But guys, it takes 3 days to turn bad, but 3 years to turn back to good.

*Remorseful set of watery eyes*

I could remember what they all once shared with me, but now, at the year of 2007, we could hardly even face each other, let alone talking to each other. Not even a Hi-Bye, Or even a smile on our face.

Just got the drive and the need to blurt everything out. 'm not writing to gain sympathy, but as readers, you have the right to click the x button.

If I was Harry Potter, I wished I could cast a spell and reverse time back and salvage every situation.

've guessed no one would be as woeful/unfortunate as me. Having sooooo many friendship problems just within a year or two.

Who'd have thought all these would happen one day?

I dont' mention doesnt' mean I dont' care. Until this very day, I still hold on to every friendship so tightly that I would never let go. Still hoping that all things will be fine again, rain after sunshine. Am i stupid in thinking this way?

Or You people have already given up?

As my MSN nick says,

*its only when u lose then u learn to cherish.*

If only time could be reversed.
(1953 words)

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